he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
