I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
