i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
