At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
