he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
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