You just made me feel so damn special
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
