so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
