If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
