Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
