i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
