also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
