i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
