I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just cropdusted the office
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
