It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
