kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
