Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Farmville is her only friend.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
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