guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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