Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Randomize
