he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
