I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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