well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
