just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
