I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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