I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
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As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
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alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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