Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
