"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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