One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
