thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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