Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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