I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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