Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
