Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
