Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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