What did we do last night that was yellow?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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