i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm bleeding and have questions
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
