bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Please don't give away my fajitas
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
