Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
so explain again why im purple
no
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
