You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
