I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
