i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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