I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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