My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
