I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Ladies don't puke and tell
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
