oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
