I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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