I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
