i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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