I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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