So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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