So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
