i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
