Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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