Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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