how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
