I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
