two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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