i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
