dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
