Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
