he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
