omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
