five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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