But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
this will be a night to untag.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
