Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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