She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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