Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
