I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
