My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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