it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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