If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
