The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize