Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
