Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
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sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
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she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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