I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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