i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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