Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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