at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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